This question often comes up for neurodivergent adults. After all, we have managed to get here somehow; surely we have this figured out, right?
You have developed some coping strategies (even if you don’t realise they are coping strategies), and you’ve more or less survived school. You might even have had relationships, or are currently in one, have been or are employed. You have a life. You might still not understand why some things are harder for you than they are for others, or why everything is just so dang tiring.
Learning your unique trait mix
Whether it’s ADHD, Autism, or both, the reality is that what you’ll have is a group of neurodivergent traits that contain:
- ways in which your brain works differently from a typical brain
- things that your brain finds easier to do
- things that your brain finds harder or impossible to do
- specific things about your brain’s biochemistry
- other brain and medical stuff that’s more likely to come up during your lifetime, see co-occurrences
Your trait mix is unique to you — it is kinda like a trail mix, with nuts and seeds and dried fruits. And, just like with a trail mix, it depends from person to person whether raisins are welcome or the invention of the devil. Even the same exact mix of things would result in something else for someone else.
What to do with the traits if you get to know yours?
With the differences, you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. Knowing about them enables you to learn about adaptations and strategies in case you’re having difficulties because your differences aren’t accounted for.
So the question of diagnosis mainly concerns two areas:
- Getting official confirmation of ‘yes, you have all these things, and you didn’t make them up‘
- Getting support
- with the things that you can’t deal with
- with the things that have better support available, but behind the gate
- for the things that you can deal with now, but might need support later on in life
More broadly, confirmation of your condition means clarification of your traits so you can explore them.
But still, why bother with a diagnosis now?
Well, there are two reasons.
1. What works today might not work tomorrow.
Your neurodivergent traits and support needs are not set in stone. Your neural makeup is linked to your hormone system, stress levels, and circumstances in general.
This means any time there is a big milestone coming up –puberty, pregnancy, life changes, menopause– everything could crumble.
Getting to know exactly how your brain works means that when things inevitably change, you only have to navigate the difference from the previous baseline, and not overhaul an entire system without knowing what the system was in the first place.
And if you do the discovery process before an inevitable crisis hits, you can test and iterate in “peacetime”. It’s stressful enough having to navigate a new, uncertain situation. Don’t add “I need to figure myself out” to the mix.
2. It doesn’t have to be this hard
I have spent 95% of my adult life without having the neurodivergent context for my experiences. So I know this might be hard to believe at first, but it really should not be this hard, and it could be easier.
Finally knowing what actually works for me, learning what support I need did not erase the everyday struggles I had, but it still took off so much pressure from them. I now know less exhausting ways to do things, or I know what to avoid so as not to exhaust myself.
And even if it still takes so much effort to do things, at least now I know why. Now I can avoid the blame-shame cycle and not hate myself for being like this. And that’s already a win in my book. 🙂
Clarity in understanding yourself
In short, a diagnosis gives you a baseline understanding of yourself that you can build on and iterate as your life changes.
You’ve gotten this far on your own, and that’s awesome, but trust me, they don’t hand out bonus points for extra suffering. Things can be easier with the right information, tools, and support designed for how your brain actually works. If nothing else, you can save so much energy by not having to constantly try to reverse-engineer solutions that weren’t made for you.
And you truly don’t have to wait for a crisis to give yourself justification for getting that clarity.
« Back to the index
