Laziness is not simply “not doing” something. A lazy person could do the thing, would have the energy to do so, but chooses not to. And they don’t care about it at all.
Lazy people are okay with the task not being done.
Their inner monologue isn’t even mentioning the task. Lazy people don’t think “Come on, just get up, everyone can do it, this is not hard, you did it yesterday.” They don’t have a blinking light in their head about the thing they’re not doing, as a reminder. “Do the laundry, do not forget to do the laundry, just do the damn laundry.” They don’t feel anxious about not doing the thing, and the time they spend not doing it is actually restful and relaxing, because they do not care.
With executive dysfunction, what’s missing is not the desire or even the motivation to start.
The decision is there, but nothing happens when you try to turn the key – the engine is coughing, and that’s it.
So, the question boils down to this: when you’re not doing something you should be doing, do you mind? Does it bother you? Are you stressing about not having started yet? Are you still unable to do it even if you really, really want to? Can you relax while not doing the task? If you’ve answered any of these with a YES, you are not lazy.
If it’s not the lack of motivation or desire, what is missing?
There might be crucial information missing, a lack of clarity regarding specifics of the task (what does “make the bed” mean? change the bedsheets or just tidy the covers?), anxiety about unknown elements of the task, anxiety about not finishing on time, or having to ask questions.
Or there’s leftover exhaustion from not sleeping well enough, or emotional events of the day. Or the overwhelming task of seeing all that needs to be done at the same time, and finding it impossible to prioritise and find a starting point. All of this requires mental energy that may not be available.
As with all neurodivergent adaptations, there is no one-size-fits-all solution.
Practising awareness helps slowly untangle the answers: when you notice it happen, you can try figuring out what makes it hard to start, specifically in that instance.
What would help you?
- More information?
- Someone to tell you where to start?
- Body doubling?
- Music to make it fun?
- Silence so you can concentrate?
It can be different things for different situations. You will probably need to try different approaches and test them in action. Some things will not work at all, some will work sometimes, and some you need to adjust or have different variations of. But slowly you can start building a repertoire of adaptations that work for you.
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